Obsessed with their Happiness

Listening to Russell M Nelsons talk during General Conference this afternoon was kind of a bore at first …prop 8...marriage...blah,blah,blah...I was in the process of tuning him out when something caught my ear. He started talking about how difficult marriage is; it seemed as if he was saying you are doomed to fail unless you try really hard. He said marriage starts with two big handicaps - two imperfect people that must work really hard to make it work, or something like that…it got me thinking about what a bunch of bull that is, all you need to do is two things; 1st Find someone you really love, 2nd Drop your pride and put your partners needs above your own. Once you do that, the imperfectness or flaws in the individuals do not come into play at all, and marriage becomes quite easy.

1st Find someone you really love

I think most people would say this is a no brainer, why would anyone marry someone they don’t really love? I think it happens a lot. When at the marrying age and a part of the dating scene, it is easy to fall for any number of people.


- The more time you spend with someone, the more likely you are to develop feeling for that person, feelings that may be a form of love. Even if there are major personality differences

- Sometimes people meet someone they “click” with. The two get along really well, and due to that they hang out quite a bit. This in turn develops into a form of love. Even if there are some major differences

- Sometimes they find some particular thing attractive about a person (i.e. looks, money, popularity, etc.) and let it overshadow other major differences.

I am not saying you cannot be happy with any of those, you can, but then you will fall into the category Elder Nelson talked about; you will have to work to be happy. So don’t marry them!

2nd Drop your pride and put your partners needs above your own.

If you kneel across the alter and say that you want to be with the other person *forever* you better mean it. Forever is something we mortals cannot comprehend. As we live day to day, week to week, month to month and year to year, it is easy to lose sight of forever. If we truly love someone enough to give them eternity, we love them enough to become obsessed with their happiness.


An example: I have a habit that once we are married and living together, it is discovered to be one of your pet peeves. Immediately upon discovery of this situation I do all I can to drop the habit, regardless of how petty I think it is or how emotionally attached I am to it. At the same time, you immediately begin to work on not letting it bother you.

Viola, no issue, both spouses meet half way and eliminate any problem that may arise from it. Ah Ha, you say, here is where the hard part lies, it is hard to change. It takes effort for the one to drop a lifelong habit and for the other to drop a pet peeve. You’re not listening, I answer, the only reason that would be difficult would be due to PRIDE. If you drop your pride and become obsessed with your partners’ happiness, it is not difficult to drop a habit, or let go of a pet peeve, it is a joy, you want to do it, because you want your partner to be happy, and you don't forget that, not even 20 years into the marriage. You never become complacent in your marriage, or else you will be able to relate to Elder Nelson, and you will sit there and nod your head as he talks about when you went shopping for a spouse and settled for one you didn't want because you bought on an impulse.

Marriage is easy, you see, you just have to go into it with someone you are obsessed with, then not lose focus once you are there.